I’m so worried the only reason I’m asexual (or not interested in sex at all, if you have an aversion to the word) is because I’m trans.
Which is to say, it’s because I’ve grown up being so indifferent/displeased with my body. All this time, I’ve not really liked it, and I worry that I’ve convinced myself I have no desire to do sexy things with other people because of my body. Or because I secretly hate myself. (Secretly because I always tell myself I don’t hate myself, but on the flip side, I think of myself as objectively unattractive, fat and the opposite of appealing to most other people, and I’ve often been told this is a form of self-loathing when I don’t think it is.)
I worry that I’m actually just really shallow and superficial even with myself?
Does anyone feel the same or know what I’m even talking about? Or is my fever making me incoherent??? Maybe I should just stay in bed today.