Diary of a Hopeless|Hapless Lost-Boy

Mr. Libertine is: :: Non-Cisgendered Male :: WTF-ever-non-sexual :: Anti-theist Atheist :: Unpretty Azn :: Shameless Pervert :: Condescending Assface ::

I turned 22 two days ago.

But all this IRL LGBT community drama is making me wanna regress back to childhood.

Can I be 12 again?

So someone just asked me to make a pin that said “trannychaser” for an LGBT Valentines day event.

Wow, I did not expect that from usually educated activists. Or is this somehow a widely accepted word with the trans women here? (Because lets face it, the trans men aren’t active anywhere.)

I may not be as valuable a member of this fucking organization, what with half my time going to being part of trans organizations as well, but I will not let people this this shit is acceptable.

Donate to the 2012 Metro Manila Pride March.

So, I don’t suppose any of you are interested in helping  out the oldest and longest running pride march in Asia, are you? :))

With only a couple of weeks to go, Task Force Pride is in need of financial help to ensure the March goes smoothly. After a lot of hurdles, we’re on the final stretch of preparation and are just in need of a boost money wise.

And if you’re from Manila, we’re also looking for people willing to give their time and energy to help ensure this year’s Pride March goes well. Interested? Then sign up here.

I don’t really care if I come off a bit shameless with the pimping, but this is important to me and we’ll be appreciative of all the help we can get at this point.

My favorite FTM fictional character ever would have to be Mel from American Virgin. You only find out he’s trans later on (although there are hints from the get go) and I’m personally convinced one of their main reasons he is FTM is for them to play up the Cyndi ~immaculate conception~ story line. (Or not, either way.)
Anyway, Mel is badass. Mel is also one of the first characters I was introduced to that made me realize that female-to-male transsexualism was an actual thing. Sure, Mel’s reveal got a bit of the shock treatment, but this whole comic is filled with that, so it wasn’t a big deal to me.
In my opinion, Mel is a great example of LGBT characters who are not defined by their being LGBT.
Though I still wonder why Mel hasn’t had top surgery yet, honestly. View high resolution

My favorite FTM fictional character ever would have to be Mel from American Virgin. You only find out he’s trans later on (although there are hints from the get go) and I’m personally convinced one of their main reasons he is FTM is for them to play up the Cyndi ~immaculate conception~ story line. (Or not, either way.)

Anyway, Mel is badass. Mel is also one of the first characters I was introduced to that made me realize that female-to-male transsexualism was an actual thing. Sure, Mel’s reveal got a bit of the shock treatment, but this whole comic is filled with that, so it wasn’t a big deal to me.

In my opinion, Mel is a great example of LGBT characters who are not defined by their being LGBT.

Though I still wonder why Mel hasn’t had top surgery yet, honestly.

On being a gay trans man in the Philippines.

I should point out, there are a lot of factors that determine your experiences as an LGBT person in the Philippines. Most significantly, class. Speaking as a middle class Filipino, my experiences are undoubtedly different from lgbt people who are btpl. We may share a lot of general experiences but there’s also a difference in the culture as the middle class in general is more liberal or less traditional than a majority of the lower class.

*Below the Poverty Line

It should go without saying, being an internet fauxtivist =/= actually doing something.

Yes some people can successfully be activists without leaving their computers. Unfortunately tumblr, most of you cannot and do not.

If you genuinely want to be able activist, go out and participate in actual organizations. It might seem like there aren’t any around, but trust me, there probably are. And if not, start one, however informal.

Before my friends started our local ftm group, there weren’t any groups for trans men and now we’re actually making even the smallest differences, helping others find trans friendly doctors and hopefull spreading helpful information.

If you don’t want to do anything like that, that’s perfectly acceptable, but i would really appreciate it if you would stop pretending you’re ~activists~ if the things you do aren’t really substantial.

Yes, i am phone!tumbling just to say that.

I hate people who expect that every trans person need ‘contribute to the trans community’.

I go on tumblr and see people say things ‘what do you contribute to the community if you’re stealth?’ or ‘you’re obligated to give something back to the community’. I rage every time I do because it feels like an insult to me.

First off, no one, and I mean NO ONE is obligated to do anything like that. The ultimate goal of trans activism is to make is so that every trans person be seen and treated like absolutely everyone else. That society not think of us as abnormal and that we get to live the same sort of lives as cis people would get to.

And news flash, this means not being forced to put yourself on display or become some sort of ambassador for the rest of the trans population. Not everyone wants that. Not all people with AIDs want to be AIDs activists. Not every person in an ethnic minority wants to be an anti-racism activist, every woman a woman’s rights activist, not every gay person an LGBT activist.

What makes being trans so different that some of you expect everyone to be out and proud and champion the cause?

And you know what, you’re effectively cheapening the involvement in those who are out activists. I’m not talking of myself because, let’s face it, I live a pretty comfy life in comparison to other people but other trans activists are essentially putting their lives and reputation the line. Yes, the point is for it to not have to be that hard anymore, but until we are at that point, these people are giving more than what anyone should be required to for a cause they feel is important.

For some people, being an activist is easy. I’d say it relatively is for me but even if I didn’t choose to be an activist, if I chose to be stealth and live a quiet life, that should not have been anybody’s business but my own.

Conversely, I also hate it when people say NO ONE should be out because that really is unrealistically dumb and accomplishes nothing at all especially when so many people have no choice but to be out because of lack of passing but really, how often is it that someone says that? :P

I don’t usually make it a habit to go ‘YO, I’M GAYYYYY’.

Except when I see things like people including FTMs when they talk about lesbians or the like, under the totally whack rationalization that FTMs have been in lesbian relationships in the past or at least identified as lesbians.

I mean, there are even more dumb arguments out there, and this isn’t the best way to respond to them, surely, but when I specifically hear that one, I scoff because I (and others for sure) have NEVER EEEEEEEEEEEEVER ID’d as a lesbian. Nope nope never never uh-uh-uh.

To the ire of probably most people who identify as genderqueer.

And probably some trans folks too.

Recently, I’ve come to admit that, yes, I think most people who identify as GQ would completely be cis if we lived in a society that did not demand confrmation to gender roles or gender stereotypes. From what I could tell, a lot of GQ people do really only have their identity because of gender roles and gender presentation.

Though intersex individuals exist, a lot of the GQ people (on tumblr at least) have preferences of what they want their bodies to be.I’ve never really seen anyone desire a body that wasn’t explicitely male or female (No one’s ever really said they wanted a body with True hermaphroditism) so then the basis of their genderqueer-ness becomes dependent solely on gender roles and stereotypes.

I hate when people say sex is a social construct because it’s not. Gender roles are, but sex, your physical sex, is scientific. So this then is what we call gender, and I have no problem with that definition.

So since most genderqueer people are GQ only because of gender and not so much because of sex, I want to bring back the use of the word cissexual. If agenders, bigenders, genderqueers do not want to be thought of as cisgender, but are completely fine with the bodies they have, then fine. I don’t see any problem with you rejecting the word cisgender.

However, I’m now going to have to call you cissexual; meaning that you may be transgender in the ense that you do not fit into the gender society expected you to take, but you are not a transsexual because you have no desire to change your sex.

I think that’s a fair compromise, don’t you?

Because I really think there ought to be a distinction between us, you the gq trans masculine fellow who might ascribe to male gender roles but still desire their female body, and I who may not fit in to all the male gender roles but still very much desire a male body.

And maybe then, if this compromise pleases you, maybe we can stop getting cissexual trans people going on hormones or getting srs, and sometimes later regretting it. Because I’m sorry but no matter how much you try to fight it, the fact is, that does hurt me as a transsexual. Especially when you de-transition. Especially when you don’t completely understand what you’re getting into before you do it.

In a perfect world, where they’ve made good SRS available everywhere and they’ve minimized the negaticve effect os going on HRT, then maybe then, I wouldn’t care if anyone, even cisgender cissexual people got on hormones, but until that day comes, you’re going to have to live with me wanting to keep these things properly regulated, and even, yes, policed.

Yo, I need to fill up my other blog (the one will illustrated answers to questions), so I was wondering if people would ask me stuff about being ftm?

Or trans in general.

Or being trans in a country like the Philippines. Where no medical professional follows the WPATH SoC. Where there is no law that can possibly protect LGBT people in anyway. Where there are no real legal ways to go about transitioning.

Or you could ask me about being a gay ftm, but I feel like we’re a dime a dozen on this site.

You could always drop an ask on the blog itself or wherever. I just really need content tbh. D; (Hell, I’d probably even answer trolls. (But I’d prefer you didn’t. ,__,))

senor-bizarro:

Sometimes I feel like I’m not being “revolutionary” enough to be queer.

And then I read the opinions of the people who make me think that way, and all they’re doing is rehashing old stereotypes but to make them look positive while the people who don’t conform to their “revolutionary” stereotypes get thrown under the bus for not being “queer enough” or simply not being “cool enough”.

I’m sorry I can’t flame and flounce around and be genderqueer. I am a big old masculine nerd and I’m sorry I’m not fabulous enough for your Queer Army. I’m sorry I don’t eat, breathe, sleep, and fuck “revolution” because I really have no interest in it aside from my own self-centered concerns. I’m sorry I don’t cover my dick in glitter or wear skirts and makeup or run around declaring to the world how much of a giant fairy I am.

The thing is, I have as much of a right to exist as you do. I know the gay male community is an extremely broken base, but god damn, I am who I am, much the same as you being who you are. I really don’t like being told I’m “truscum” or “really straight”, or have “internalized homophobia” or shit like that because I’m not exactly like you. The rainbow is made of many colors, not just varying shades of one. And people shouldn’t get crapped on because their personality/hobbies/interests aren’t PC enough for a certain group’s standards (I’m sorry, I just can’t knit).

Word.

(Source: bizarrolord, via theotheropinion)

I’d be the worst boyfriend ever.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m a real romantic at heart but there’s a sort of disconnect between my being romantic and the rest of me. I don’t think I really feel the kind of love I believe people experience. But this is not really a post about my strange jaded feels.

I just notice that while I’m more than perfectly happy to be single, there are times I wish I had a partner. And  everytime I want one is when I feel like I need someone to give me what I can’t get from everyone else.

I want a boyfriend when I feel like other LGb people look at me and see a straight albeit tomboyish female. I want a partner when I feel insecure about whether or not people respect my being trans.

I think of what it’d be like to have a partner when I get upset or hurt by things. When I fight with my family or experience irrational paranoia with my friends. When I get upset by things, I look to my friends to be keeping a level head when I can’t. That’s what I love about them and wouldn’t want it any other way, but I think, I’d like one person to be there to just let me be an emotional wreck while comforting me without trying to bring me back to logic and rationality again.

You know what I mean. Someone who won’t just tell you “I’m sorry they made you feel like shit” but “I’m sorry they made you feel like shit but please remember there are people like me who love you and don’t want you to feel that way”.

Its for entirely selfish reasons, mostly. So I really don’t think I deserve to be in a relationship for the same reasons. I shouldn’t just have a partner to give me the sort of support I wish I had.

Blah, what does it matter, relationships aren’t something I’m going to find myself in any time soon, realistically speaking.

For those not in the know, Anderson cooper has just officially come out as gay.
Now, of course, I’m very happy that the LGBT community now have another wonderful role-model to look up to in the form of this incredibly courageous man. There’s no question about that.
However, I am bracing myself for the sort of reactions this news is going to receive. For those not in the know, many people consider it to have been ‘an open secret’ that Anderson was gay. No, no one gets brownie points for going ‘I totally knew he was, without a doubt!’ because unless you know him personally, no, you didn’t. And you could only imagine the amount of stereotyping done by people who claimed to have a gaydar about this or whatever else have you.
I bring up the fact that it was an open secret because Anderson has gotten a lot of flak in the past from people saying he is a horrible person for not coming out sooner. That he was just hiding his sexuality for the sake of his career or that he owed it to people to come out. I dare say this sort of sentiment will even continue now that he has come out, with people insulting him for waiting until now.
Let me make this perfectly clear. No one owes it to anyone else to come out. To come out or not to is their own personal choice, and no one should dare judge anyone else for if and when they decide to disclose that information to the public. By forcefully outing someone or pressuring them into coming out, people do not realize the potential amount of harm they are putting in these people’s way.
If we dare fight for the idea that our sexuality is no different from anyone else’s, we should respect the fact that other people would not want this information disclosed to the public.
I am happy for Anderson, truly. I can only hope that this decision, he made on his own and without pressure from a crowd baying for blood.  Indeed, we should celebrate the fact that he is willing to disclose this information with the rest of us and serve as yet another shining example of how being a member of the LBGT community does not make one any different from the rest of society. We should be happy because he did not owe it to us.
And we should be proud because he has chosen to publically speak up against the maltreatment of LGBT people,  now as an open member of our community.  Good on you Anderson, and I couldn’t be prouder. View high resolution

For those not in the know, Anderson cooper has just officially come out as gay.

Now, of course, I’m very happy that the LGBT community now have another wonderful role-model to look up to in the form of this incredibly courageous man. There’s no question about that.

However, I am bracing myself for the sort of reactions this news is going to receive. For those not in the know, many people consider it to have been ‘an open secret’ that Anderson was gay. No, no one gets brownie points for going ‘I totally knew he was, without a doubt!’ because unless you know him personally, no, you didn’t. And you could only imagine the amount of stereotyping done by people who claimed to have a gaydar about this or whatever else have you.

I bring up the fact that it was an open secret because Anderson has gotten a lot of flak in the past from people saying he is a horrible person for not coming out sooner. That he was just hiding his sexuality for the sake of his career or that he owed it to people to come out. I dare say this sort of sentiment will even continue now that he has come out, with people insulting him for waiting until now.

Let me make this perfectly clear. No one owes it to anyone else to come out. To come out or not to is their own personal choice, and no one should dare judge anyone else for if and when they decide to disclose that information to the public. By forcefully outing someone or pressuring them into coming out, people do not realize the potential amount of harm they are putting in these people’s way.

If we dare fight for the idea that our sexuality is no different from anyone else’s, we should respect the fact that other people would not want this information disclosed to the public.

I am happy for Anderson, truly. I can only hope that this decision, he made on his own and without pressure from a crowd baying for blood.  Indeed, we should celebrate the fact that he is willing to disclose this information with the rest of us and serve as yet another shining example of how being a member of the LBGT community does not make one any different from the rest of society. We should be happy because he did not owe it to us.

And we should be proud because he has chosen to publically speak up against the maltreatment of LGBT people,  now as an open member of our community.

Good on you Anderson, and I couldn’t be prouder.

Tonight, we had dinner with Ken, a japanese trans man, it was pretty cool. As a special bonus, JY, a trans man from Malaysia who used to give talks on trans issues here before the inception of our group, was also there for dinner. We got perspective on trans issues in their countries, which aren’t super progressive but still better than ours. (For example in Japan, the requirements to change your gender marker are: Complete SRS, be older than 21, not have children below 21 & be sterilized. And in Malaysia, it’s a legal process that’s more a matter of luck and money).It was quite interesting learning about their stories as well as their giving us advice on how to go about our organization-to-be.And dinner was in Antipolo which is like, a bajillionty miles away from my place, it feels like. =)) View high resolution

Tonight, we had dinner with Ken, a japanese trans man, it was pretty cool. As a special bonus, JY, a trans man from Malaysia who used to give talks on trans issues here before the inception of our group, was also there for dinner.

We got perspective on trans issues in their countries, which aren’t super progressive but still better than ours. (For example in Japan, the requirements to change your gender marker are: Complete SRS, be older than 21, not have children below 21 & be sterilized. And in Malaysia, it’s a legal process that’s more a matter of luck and money).

It was quite interesting learning about their stories as well as their giving us advice on how to go about our organization-to-be.

And dinner was in Antipolo which is like, a bajillionty miles away from my place, it feels like. =))

So last night was the 10th anniversary of STRAP (the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines) and Nick, El, Ar & I were able to attend.

I haven’t even blogged about our attending the Human Rights Paralegal training on LGBT Issues thing. It was an awesome 3 day workshop but I’ll tell you about that some other time.

Anyway, can you imagine, 10 years! The girls always joke that they want to be there during OUR 10 year anniversary and I always laugh it off.  But dang, am I proud of the girls. They’re litterally our big sister organization and I wish them all the best and wanna thank them for all the help they’ve given us.